Cheer

16 days. 16 days until I am a married woman! Even though I know Jordan never reads this blog, I still can't chance saying what his wedding present is on here. (I want to scream it to the world though... I think it's the sweetest thing!!)
I put my Christmas lights up on my porch today, and even though it doesn't feel like Christmas yet, I am constantly reminded of Christ's love for us! He is so gracious to even come to Earth... much less sacrifice Himself!

Yes, He loves us!
Oh, how He loves us!!
How He loves us so!!!

Light

The LORD is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear? Of whom shall I be afraid?

Well, there wasn't much light today... At least not when I stepped outside. To watch from a purely physical point of view, you wouldn't realize how much "light" I truly saw. No matter how dark and rainy the weather turned, I was blessed by God being with me today, and He definately was my light in showing me His will. He is so good!

Even though I walk
Through the valley
Of the shadow of death,
You're perfect light is casting out fear.
And even in the midst of these troubles
And the hardships of life,
I won't turn back.
I know You are near.
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me.
And if my God is with me,
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear??

Cares

There is one verse that has been getting me through the past week... 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you."
I remember my dad singing this verse to me when I was little, and as I sit in my apartment worrying about wedding plans, invitations, flowers, a job interview, my current job, birthdays, supper, schedules, sales, my dress, the weather, traffic, bills and a cold, the song runs through my head over and over. God cares for me. I can give Him all my worries, and, once I place them in His hands, I know that He will take care of me! I don't have to worry anymore. God has it under control.
How many times in my life will I have to struggle with handing control over to God? Cuz it is not easy at all. I know it will be hard for my whole life, but I also know I would be a fool not to give my worries to God! Do I really think I could handle the situation better?!

Be bold
Be strong
For the Lord, thy God, is with you.
I am not afraid.
I am not dismayed.
For the Lord, my God, is with me.

Hope

I am so excited to get married!!!!!! Part of me wishes Jordan and I would elope so we could hurry up and be husband and wife, but another part of me wishes the wedding was far far in the future. I remember when I was little making mental lists of everything I was going to accomplish before I got married. This was also the time when I envisioned myself getting married at 40-something! I have not accomplished most of those things, but I have no regrets going into this marriage :)
I'm really struggling at work. I keep trying to maintain a positive attitude. I mean, I should be thankful that I even have a job, right? I'm facing two 45-hour weeks in November (including Thanksgiving week) along with the normal two 38-hour weeks. My coworkers are fighting, constantly gossiping about each other, and disrespecting everyone around them. I don't understand. Do they realize how ridiculous they look to a believer? Selfishness, petty grumbling, and dishonesty galore! These actions do not honor God, they do not get you ahead in life, and they do not make friends.
Craziness. Hopefully, I'll survive until my wedding!!!

Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.

Patience

Wow, God has been stretching me a lot lately. But, I've realized that He has been doing so much than I ever dreamed! Today, I was put in several situations where, 5 months ago, I would have lost my temper, cried, blew up at people, or taken out my frustration on someone I loved. But today, I handled it with grace (which came from God) and total patience with the people who hurt me.
I am so happy to see that I am growing spiritually. After I graduated high school and moved out of my parents' house, it became harder and harder to maintain and strengthen my relationship with God. I've been working hard to stay on the right track, and it is so encouraging to see some progress!

Morning by morning I wake up to find the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.
Season by season I watch Him, amazed, in awe of the mystery of His perfect ways.
All I have need of His hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me.

"Mine"

Wow, I'm all moved in to my own apartment and starting my new job!! And it has been... crazy. However, I do love my own space. For the fist time in nineteen years, I have my own bathroom... and I'll only have it for another four months! I don't have a roommate for the first time in six years. It feels great! I love being able to decorate my living room, cook my own meals in my own kitchen, and organize my own storage. I am so blessed!

However, all this new stuff of "my own" makes me think of the people who don't have homes. They don't have a roof over their head. They don't have food to fix for dinner or a kitchen to cook in.

I am so fortunate. God has blessed me enormously! I have such a great fiance, family, friends and such a big, loving, powerful God!

Whirlwind

Wow so much has been changing in my life over the past month! The biggest news is that I am engaged! I am so blessed by God and thankful to Him for the amazing fiance He has given me. We are tying the knot in December, and ever since he proposed last month, time has been flying. There is so much planning that goes into a wedding!

I am also transfering to another city with my job, and I move into the apartment tomorrow. Timing could not have been better, and I will be closer to my fiance! :)

This blog looks a little dated, as I haven't written in quite a while! But I am working on that, and hopefully, when I don't have to visit Starbucks to get internet I will be able to update it more often!

Our God is greater,
Our God is higher.
God you are higher than any other.
Our God is healer,
Awesome in power,
Our God.
Our God.

Life

Wow does anyone know a good way to get rid of sore puffy feet? My new job has been a pretty big adjustment for me. I'm coming home exhausted, and I'm still living out of my suitcase and boxes. Going from just being a full-time student to having a full-time job is a huge change, and I don't think I was completely prepared!

I'm on my feet all day, but I think I'm slowly getting used to the new job. One super positive aspect is that I can have lots of visitors through my day! :) So far, I've been visited by an adorable baby boy and his gorgeous Mama, my two close friends and soon to be roommates, and my boyfriend's sweet mom! They each and every one brightened my day an unbelievable amount! I hope they all know how much I appreciate it!

I also really like the gals I work with. They definately make work more bearable and almost fun! My boss is a very friendly guy who is so nice to work for. I'm so grateful to God for giving me this opportunity.

Yes!!!

I did it! I was able to show the love of Christ to someone this weekend! God gave me the grace and the courage to be brave. I was freaking out. But somehow, when the time came, I felt peace. I was in complete submission to God. I may never know how it affected that person until heaven, but I am content with that.

And yes, I got completely shut down and rejected, but rather than pouting, I turned it over to God! Praise be to HIM!

If you can't tell, I am pretty excited about this. Looking at it, you may think that I really didn't do anything that great. But I have been struggling with this so much that this small part is a huge step for me.

I am overwhelmed with the fact that I, an absolute mess, can glorify God. Am I being confusing? I am so mystified that God allows us to praise and glorify Him. It astounds me. A person like me? Worshipping the Creator of the universe who makes beauty from brokenness? Who makes everything out of nothing? Who hears us when we call? Who knows everything, yet is still patient and loving in His teaching? Who mends hearts and lives? Who saves souls?

I could write for pages and pages and still never capture the greatness of God. In fact, looking at what I have written, I see that I have not done so much as scratched the surface. And that's just of what I know of God (I am not claiming to be an expert by all means).

Now, if you are reading this and are not a Christian, this probably looks like lunacy. It's hard for me to explain how I view the entire world differently because Christ saved me. All I can say is He is great. He saves. And He loves you.

Jesus to Calvary did go.
His love for sinners to show.
What He did there,
Brought hope from despair.
Oh, how He loves you!
Oh, how He loves me!
Oh, how He loves you and me.

People

People confuse me. Have you ever had one of those "Woah, I totally thought I knew you, but what you just did makes me wonder if I ever have" moments? I've been having more of those than usual lately.

I don't really know if other people have changed or if I am the one who is changing. Maybe it's a combination of both. Maybe I'm just trying to figure out how to act like an adult, when everybody else already has their act together. But whatever it is, I can't seem to figure out what I'm doing wrong.

Communication is 10% verbal and 90% nonverbal (actions, expressions, body language). I can fake my way through polite conversation, but (as I'm finding out from close friends) I'm not doing such a great job controlling my nonverbal communication. Which is bad. Cuz I thought I was doing great.

I'm finding myself identifying with certain people, but not others. Naturally, I gravitate to those people - talk to them, smile, laugh, and converse. But now I find out that I am expected to talk to the "other" people, too? Hmmm...

Life is tough. It's full of disappointments and heartache. As I've mentioned before, I get my feelings hurt easily. Being the first to reach out to people is tough. I may have my feelings hurt. But I know that showing the love of Christ to someone is well worth it.

Wonderful!

The smell of rain. A cool breeze on a hot day. Peach lemonade smoothies. Making shapes out of clouds while laying on the green grass. Going down a cousins slip 'n slide.

These are some of the best parts of summer. However, the only one I'm experiencing today is the smell of rain. It's a dreary day here at home, and to top it all off, I'm feeling terrible.

Sometimes, I get so caught up in my own physical pain and my ideals not being met, I forget about how fortunate I am! I had a moment this morning where I was so overwhelmed with God's grace, faithfulness and blessings. He has given me more than what I could ever deserve. In fact, He has given me exactly opposite of what I deserve! I am a lowly sinner, loving what God hates. But, because of His great gift of salvation, I can leave sin behind! Because Christ is risen from the dead, I can be seen as holy before God!

My chains are gone; I've been set free!
My God, My Savior has ransomed me!
And like a flood, His mercy reigns.
Amazing love. Amazing grace.

Sensitive?

People call me overly-sensitive. A sissy. A crybaby. Ok, well maybe some a couple of those names come from childhood memories, but my point is that I have always been painfully aware of what others think of me and how they treat me.

That being said, I'm an adult now. I have a full-time job, I'm working on my degree, I pay rent, I buy groceries... You'd think I would have a pretty tough skin by now, right?

Then why do I still take things so personally? Why am I so concerned with interpreting other people's reactions to my words or even presence? It's something I'm definately spending time in fixing.

Other people say my sensitivity is a gift. They call it being compassionate. I'm sympathetic. But do I actually use this "gift" for anyone other than myself?

Maybe I could use compassion to travel overseas and work in an orphanage (a lifelong dream). Maybe I could move other people in my hometown to give to mission work. Maybe I could make a difference in someone else's life!

But instead, I pout and cry because my feelings are hurt.

God, I don't want to be difficult. You made me with the ability to feel. Thank you! But would you use this gift in the way that you designed? I'm handing over the reigns, and I'm asking you to guide me and shape my sensitivity to form around your will for my life.

Friday

If you get a chance, search for this poem on youtube. Our church shows it on Good Friday, and it always proves very powerful!

It’s Friday. But Sunday’s coming—

It’s Friday. Jesus is arrested in the garden where He was praying. But Sunday’s coming.

It’s Friday. The disciples are hiding and Peter’s denying that he knows the Lord. But Sunday’s coming.

It’s Friday. Jesus is standing before the high priest of Israel, silent as a lamb before the slaughter. But Sunday’s coming.

It’s Friday. Jesus is beaten, mocked, and spit upon. But Sunday’s coming.

It’s Friday. Those Roman soldiers are flogging our Lord with a leather scourge that has bits of bones and glass and metal, tearing at his flesh. But Sunday’s coming.

It’s Friday. The Son of man stands firm as they press the crown of thorns down into his brow. But Sunday’s coming.

It’s Friday. See Him walking to Calvary, the blood dripping from His body. See the cross crashing down on His back as He stumbles beneath the load. It’s Friday; but Sunday’s a coming.

It’s Friday. See those Roman soldiers driving the nails into the feet and hands of my Lord. Hear my Jesus cry, “Father, forgive them.” It’s Friday; but Sunday’s coming.

It’s Friday. Jesus is hanging on the cross, bloody and dying. But Sunday’s coming.

It’s Friday. The sky grows dark, the earth begins to tremble, and He who knew no sin became sin for us. Holy God who will not abide with sin pours out His wrath on that perfect sacrificial lamb who cries out, “My God, My God. Why hast thou forsaken me?” What a horrible cry. But Sunday’s coming.

It’s Friday. And at the moment of Jesus’ death, the veil of the Temple that separates sinful man from Holy God was torn from the top to the bottom because Sunday’s coming.

It’s Friday. Jesus is hanging on the cross, heaven is weeping and hell is partying. But that’s because it’s Friday, and they don’t know it, but Sunday’s a coming.

And on that horrible day 2000 years ago, Jesus the Christ, the Lord of glory, the only begotten Son of God, the only perfect man died on the cross of Calvary. Satan thought that he had won the victory. Surely he had destroyed the Son of God. Finally he had disproved the prophecy God had uttered in the Garden and the one who was to crush his head had been destroyed. But that was Friday.

Now it’s Sunday. And just about dawn on that first day of the week, there was a great earthquake. But that wasn’t the only thing that was shaking because now it’s Sunday. And the angel of the Lord is coming down out of heaven and rolling the stone away from the door of the tomb. Yes, it’s Sunday, and the angel of the Lord is sitting on that stone and the guards posted at the tomb to keep the body from disappearing were shaking in their boots because it’s Sunday, and the lamb that was silent before the slaughter is now the resurrected lion from the tribe of Judah, for He is not here, the angel says. He is risen indeed.
It’s Sunday, and the crucified and resurrected Christ has defeated death, hell, sin and the grave. It’s Sunday. And now everything has changed. It’s the age of grace, God’s grace poured out on all who would look to that crucified lamb of Calvary. Grace freely given to all who would believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross of Calvary was buried and rose again. All because it’s Sunday.

Different

After talking with that cute guy in my picture tonight, I came to re-realize (is that even a word?!) how wise God was when He made men and women differently. What would I do if my boyfriend personalized every comment I made (like women do)? What would we do in a conflict if we both stonewalled (like men do)? God was such a genius to make us different.

But why do women often think the way God made men is wrong? And why do men often think the way God made women is wrong? It's not wrong. Just different!

I've been listening to the Love & Respect cds a lot lately and have been astounded at the accurracy of the speaker's points. I come to see again and again how well men and women compliment each other and how each gender, male and female, reflect aspects of the God we love!

He is so good to us! He reveals Himself to us through each other! Oh how He loves us!

Waiting

I went to the doctor today to get some bloodwork done. Unfortunately, I had gained a lot of weight. I am constantly tired, even to the point of exhaustion and fatigued, no matter how much I sleep. In addition to gaining weight, I've lost my appetite. I usually eat one meal a day, not because I starve myself, but because food rarely sounds appetizing. My moods swing drastically up and down, and loved ones tell me that I act and behave differently. I am becoming "spacy", not remembering assignments or even what I did the day before.
I don't want to complain, but I feel like shouting at God "Tell me what's wrong with me RIGHT NOW!!!" Instead, I don't have a choice but to wait. Wait patiently on the Lord.

A family that is close to mine recently had to make some tough life-changing decisions. Each member wanted their own way, and the dilemma grew bigger and bigger. Eventually, they decided to draw lots, which I had only heard of in the Bible. Guess what they drew?

"Wait"

Two days later, God opened the door and made their choice so clear, no family member could deny it. By waiting, they were able to follow God's will for their family.

Waiting is so hard, but God promises that all will work out for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose. He doesn't say that all will immediately work out for the good, but He does promise good.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord!
Our God!
You reign forever!
Our Hope, Our strong Deliverer!

You are the Everlasting God!
The everlasting God!
You will not faint, You won't grow weary.

You're the Defender of the Weak
You comfort those in need
You raise us up
On wings like eagles.

Alone

Today I got a taste of what life would be like if my parents had divorced. While my mom and two brothers are at school and I am home on spring break, I caught a glimpse of the lonely life my dad leads at home.

Simply having another human being in the house makes his day better.
Having someone who cooks a simple meal for him brightens his attitude.

I am so thankful that I can provide these things for my dad while I am home, and I hope that he and my mom can be together soon.


On Christ the Solid Rock I stand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

Relief

6.6 sextillion tons.

6,600,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons.

13,200,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 pounds.

The weight of the world on your shoulders? Realistically, there's no possible way for one person to carry 6.6 sextrillion tons, but it sure can seem that heavy at times. Why does our load have to grow to ridiculous proportions before we think to lay it at the foot of the cross?

How long do I wait before turning to Jesus? Why do I try to relieve my burden so many other ways that I know don't work?

"Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you." 1 Peter 4:7

This is the first verse my dad taught me, and he quotes it to me even today. As a child, it was reassuring that Jesus could help me. Today, it still calms my soul and reminds me to bring my burden to Christ.

Stars

I was driving back to my college town around ten last night and happened to look out my window into the dark night sky. What I saw left me completely speechless.

In the giant navy/black deepness were thousands of silver speckles - stars. It was the kind of view that at first glance is impressive, but with a closer look, your eye moves deeper and deeper into the black, seeing more and more of unexplored universe. So hard to describe, but so breathtaking to see.

Why did God make so much sky? Why did God make stars? I asked Him these questions while driving, and though I did not receive an audible answer, I couldn't help but wonder if He created the huge expanse simply to make us wonder. Did He really make the universe for just this world to see? Did He create it to reach the lost, to display His glory and power?

One thing I do know... He is Lord of heaven and earth!

Everything

Philippians 2:14-15
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, "children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation." Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.

"God, you don't know what You're talking about. Everything without grumbling? Seriously? You don't know what I'm going through!"

The thoughts sped through my mind; telling God how He is expecting too much of me if I am to follow this command. He doesn't know how hard my life is!

Even though my church history told me that God knows best, I still struggled with this. In fact, I was arguing with God about a verse that says not to argue!!!

A question came to my mind later... I had said "God doesn't know what I'm going through. He doesn't know how hard my life is!"

Have I told Him?

How often do I pray? Do I complain, grumble, and argue because I don't hand my burdens over to God?

I constantly need reminders to pray. I am so thankful for my close friends who send me texts during the day asking if I have prayed in the past day, morning, or hour. I am (slowly) learning how my life brightens when I am in constant communication with my Savior. Giving my cares to Jesus allows me to glorify Him with my life by spreading His joy and peace rather than my grumbling and arguments.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus.

Look full in His wonderful face!

And the things of earth will grow stragely dim

In the light of His glory and grace!

Good

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Ok so I (intellectually) know that this verse is true. Does it ring true in my heart? Do I really trust God enough to follow this verse completely? I can say that "all things work together for good" all I want, but if I don't love God and follow His purpose, is it really true for me?

Going through hard times makes me want to cling to this verse. But will God really come through? More importantly, will I trust Him and completely follow Him?

Irony

Hmmm... I just looked through some of my old diaries from past years. I also found my highschool graduation in my highschool's newspaper. Talk about a change!!
Funny? It doesn't seem so right now. Change hurts and stretches us in ways we don't think we can go. Change is unpleasant.
However, I look back to when I was in middle school. I was sure I was going to marry a boy in my youth group. When I (slowly) realized he didn't ever like me, I was devastated. My "life plans" changed and I was broken. But God takes the broken person and reconstructs someone more and more like Him.
If change, however unpleasant and uncomfortable, means conforming to the image of Christ, am I willing to be broken? I know the "right" answer is "YES!", but right now I don't want to say yes. I don't want pain.
Age-old story, huh? Wanting the reward without paying the price. I want God to help me change my attitude about change!

Sunsets

I was storming down the sidewalk. It was pretty chilly outside, and my breath came out in frosty puffs as I hurried towards the cafeteria. My "to do" list was sprinting through my mind, and I felt so overwhelmed that my eyes threatened to spill tears. In an attempt to avoid embarrassing puffy red eyes and tear streaks down my cheeks at supper, I looked up into the sky. What I saw stopped me in my tracks.

Through the trees and the tall dorm buildings, I saw a glimpse of colorful radiance. Clouds streamed to the right and left of the big, old sun as he kissed them with orange, pink, blue, purple, and yellow goodnight kisses. I looked at that sunset, completely in awe of not just the beauty, but of the beutiful Creator who made the sun to rise and set at precisely the right time every day.

He is so constant. He is so wise. And to think, He cares about me.

Hallelujah, what a Savior!

Hallelujah, what a Friend!

Saving, Helping, Keeping, Loving,

He is with me to the end!