Yes!!!

I did it! I was able to show the love of Christ to someone this weekend! God gave me the grace and the courage to be brave. I was freaking out. But somehow, when the time came, I felt peace. I was in complete submission to God. I may never know how it affected that person until heaven, but I am content with that.

And yes, I got completely shut down and rejected, but rather than pouting, I turned it over to God! Praise be to HIM!

If you can't tell, I am pretty excited about this. Looking at it, you may think that I really didn't do anything that great. But I have been struggling with this so much that this small part is a huge step for me.

I am overwhelmed with the fact that I, an absolute mess, can glorify God. Am I being confusing? I am so mystified that God allows us to praise and glorify Him. It astounds me. A person like me? Worshipping the Creator of the universe who makes beauty from brokenness? Who makes everything out of nothing? Who hears us when we call? Who knows everything, yet is still patient and loving in His teaching? Who mends hearts and lives? Who saves souls?

I could write for pages and pages and still never capture the greatness of God. In fact, looking at what I have written, I see that I have not done so much as scratched the surface. And that's just of what I know of God (I am not claiming to be an expert by all means).

Now, if you are reading this and are not a Christian, this probably looks like lunacy. It's hard for me to explain how I view the entire world differently because Christ saved me. All I can say is He is great. He saves. And He loves you.

Jesus to Calvary did go.
His love for sinners to show.
What He did there,
Brought hope from despair.
Oh, how He loves you!
Oh, how He loves me!
Oh, how He loves you and me.

People

People confuse me. Have you ever had one of those "Woah, I totally thought I knew you, but what you just did makes me wonder if I ever have" moments? I've been having more of those than usual lately.

I don't really know if other people have changed or if I am the one who is changing. Maybe it's a combination of both. Maybe I'm just trying to figure out how to act like an adult, when everybody else already has their act together. But whatever it is, I can't seem to figure out what I'm doing wrong.

Communication is 10% verbal and 90% nonverbal (actions, expressions, body language). I can fake my way through polite conversation, but (as I'm finding out from close friends) I'm not doing such a great job controlling my nonverbal communication. Which is bad. Cuz I thought I was doing great.

I'm finding myself identifying with certain people, but not others. Naturally, I gravitate to those people - talk to them, smile, laugh, and converse. But now I find out that I am expected to talk to the "other" people, too? Hmmm...

Life is tough. It's full of disappointments and heartache. As I've mentioned before, I get my feelings hurt easily. Being the first to reach out to people is tough. I may have my feelings hurt. But I know that showing the love of Christ to someone is well worth it.

Wonderful!

The smell of rain. A cool breeze on a hot day. Peach lemonade smoothies. Making shapes out of clouds while laying on the green grass. Going down a cousins slip 'n slide.

These are some of the best parts of summer. However, the only one I'm experiencing today is the smell of rain. It's a dreary day here at home, and to top it all off, I'm feeling terrible.

Sometimes, I get so caught up in my own physical pain and my ideals not being met, I forget about how fortunate I am! I had a moment this morning where I was so overwhelmed with God's grace, faithfulness and blessings. He has given me more than what I could ever deserve. In fact, He has given me exactly opposite of what I deserve! I am a lowly sinner, loving what God hates. But, because of His great gift of salvation, I can leave sin behind! Because Christ is risen from the dead, I can be seen as holy before God!

My chains are gone; I've been set free!
My God, My Savior has ransomed me!
And like a flood, His mercy reigns.
Amazing love. Amazing grace.

Sensitive?

People call me overly-sensitive. A sissy. A crybaby. Ok, well maybe some a couple of those names come from childhood memories, but my point is that I have always been painfully aware of what others think of me and how they treat me.

That being said, I'm an adult now. I have a full-time job, I'm working on my degree, I pay rent, I buy groceries... You'd think I would have a pretty tough skin by now, right?

Then why do I still take things so personally? Why am I so concerned with interpreting other people's reactions to my words or even presence? It's something I'm definately spending time in fixing.

Other people say my sensitivity is a gift. They call it being compassionate. I'm sympathetic. But do I actually use this "gift" for anyone other than myself?

Maybe I could use compassion to travel overseas and work in an orphanage (a lifelong dream). Maybe I could move other people in my hometown to give to mission work. Maybe I could make a difference in someone else's life!

But instead, I pout and cry because my feelings are hurt.

God, I don't want to be difficult. You made me with the ability to feel. Thank you! But would you use this gift in the way that you designed? I'm handing over the reigns, and I'm asking you to guide me and shape my sensitivity to form around your will for my life.