I did it! I was able to show the love of Christ to someone this weekend! God gave me the grace and the courage to be brave. I was freaking out. But somehow, when the time came, I felt peace. I was in complete submission to God. I may never know how it affected that person until heaven, but I am content with that.
And yes, I got completely shut down and rejected, but rather than pouting, I turned it over to God! Praise be to HIM!
If you can't tell, I am pretty excited about this. Looking at it, you may think that I really didn't do anything that great. But I have been struggling with this so much that this small part is a huge step for me.
I am overwhelmed with the fact that I, an absolute mess, can glorify God. Am I being confusing? I am so mystified that God allows us to praise and glorify Him. It astounds me. A person like me? Worshipping the Creator of the universe who makes beauty from brokenness? Who makes everything out of nothing? Who hears us when we call? Who knows everything, yet is still patient and loving in His teaching? Who mends hearts and lives? Who saves souls?
I could write for pages and pages and still never capture the greatness of God. In fact, looking at what I have written, I see that I have not done so much as scratched the surface. And that's just of what I know of God (I am not claiming to be an expert by all means).
Now, if you are reading this and are not a Christian, this probably looks like lunacy. It's hard for me to explain how I view the entire world differently because Christ saved me. All I can say is He is great. He saves. And He loves you.
Jesus to Calvary did go.
His love for sinners to show.
What He did there,
Brought hope from despair.
Oh, how He loves you!
Oh, how He loves me!
Oh, how He loves you and me.
May 30, 2011
May 29, 2011
People
People confuse me. Have you ever had one of those "Woah, I totally thought I knew you, but what you just did makes me wonder if I ever have" moments? I've been having more of those than usual lately.
I don't really know if other people have changed or if I am the one who is changing. Maybe it's a combination of both. Maybe I'm just trying to figure out how to act like an adult, when everybody else already has their act together. But whatever it is, I can't seem to figure out what I'm doing wrong.
Communication is 10% verbal and 90% nonverbal (actions, expressions, body language). I can fake my way through polite conversation, but (as I'm finding out from close friends) I'm not doing such a great job controlling my nonverbal communication. Which is bad. Cuz I thought I was doing great.
I'm finding myself identifying with certain people, but not others. Naturally, I gravitate to those people - talk to them, smile, laugh, and converse. But now I find out that I am expected to talk to the "other" people, too? Hmmm...
Life is tough. It's full of disappointments and heartache. As I've mentioned before, I get my feelings hurt easily. Being the first to reach out to people is tough. I may have my feelings hurt. But I know that showing the love of Christ to someone is well worth it.
I don't really know if other people have changed or if I am the one who is changing. Maybe it's a combination of both. Maybe I'm just trying to figure out how to act like an adult, when everybody else already has their act together. But whatever it is, I can't seem to figure out what I'm doing wrong.
Communication is 10% verbal and 90% nonverbal (actions, expressions, body language). I can fake my way through polite conversation, but (as I'm finding out from close friends) I'm not doing such a great job controlling my nonverbal communication. Which is bad. Cuz I thought I was doing great.
I'm finding myself identifying with certain people, but not others. Naturally, I gravitate to those people - talk to them, smile, laugh, and converse. But now I find out that I am expected to talk to the "other" people, too? Hmmm...
Life is tough. It's full of disappointments and heartache. As I've mentioned before, I get my feelings hurt easily. Being the first to reach out to people is tough. I may have my feelings hurt. But I know that showing the love of Christ to someone is well worth it.
May 24, 2011
Wonderful!
The smell of rain. A cool breeze on a hot day. Peach lemonade smoothies. Making shapes out of clouds while laying on the green grass. Going down a cousins slip 'n slide.
These are some of the best parts of summer. However, the only one I'm experiencing today is the smell of rain. It's a dreary day here at home, and to top it all off, I'm feeling terrible.
Sometimes, I get so caught up in my own physical pain and my ideals not being met, I forget about how fortunate I am! I had a moment this morning where I was so overwhelmed with God's grace, faithfulness and blessings. He has given me more than what I could ever deserve. In fact, He has given me exactly opposite of what I deserve! I am a lowly sinner, loving what God hates. But, because of His great gift of salvation, I can leave sin behind! Because Christ is risen from the dead, I can be seen as holy before God!
My chains are gone; I've been set free!
My God, My Savior has ransomed me!
And like a flood, His mercy reigns.
Amazing love. Amazing grace.
These are some of the best parts of summer. However, the only one I'm experiencing today is the smell of rain. It's a dreary day here at home, and to top it all off, I'm feeling terrible.
Sometimes, I get so caught up in my own physical pain and my ideals not being met, I forget about how fortunate I am! I had a moment this morning where I was so overwhelmed with God's grace, faithfulness and blessings. He has given me more than what I could ever deserve. In fact, He has given me exactly opposite of what I deserve! I am a lowly sinner, loving what God hates. But, because of His great gift of salvation, I can leave sin behind! Because Christ is risen from the dead, I can be seen as holy before God!
My chains are gone; I've been set free!
My God, My Savior has ransomed me!
And like a flood, His mercy reigns.
Amazing love. Amazing grace.
May 23, 2011
Sensitive?
People call me overly-sensitive. A sissy. A crybaby. Ok, well maybe some a couple of those names come from childhood memories, but my point is that I have always been painfully aware of what others think of me and how they treat me.
That being said, I'm an adult now. I have a full-time job, I'm working on my degree, I pay rent, I buy groceries... You'd think I would have a pretty tough skin by now, right?
Then why do I still take things so personally? Why am I so concerned with interpreting other people's reactions to my words or even presence? It's something I'm definately spending time in fixing.
Other people say my sensitivity is a gift. They call it being compassionate. I'm sympathetic. But do I actually use this "gift" for anyone other than myself?
Maybe I could use compassion to travel overseas and work in an orphanage (a lifelong dream). Maybe I could move other people in my hometown to give to mission work. Maybe I could make a difference in someone else's life!
But instead, I pout and cry because my feelings are hurt.
God, I don't want to be difficult. You made me with the ability to feel. Thank you! But would you use this gift in the way that you designed? I'm handing over the reigns, and I'm asking you to guide me and shape my sensitivity to form around your will for my life.
That being said, I'm an adult now. I have a full-time job, I'm working on my degree, I pay rent, I buy groceries... You'd think I would have a pretty tough skin by now, right?
Then why do I still take things so personally? Why am I so concerned with interpreting other people's reactions to my words or even presence? It's something I'm definately spending time in fixing.
Other people say my sensitivity is a gift. They call it being compassionate. I'm sympathetic. But do I actually use this "gift" for anyone other than myself?
Maybe I could use compassion to travel overseas and work in an orphanage (a lifelong dream). Maybe I could move other people in my hometown to give to mission work. Maybe I could make a difference in someone else's life!
But instead, I pout and cry because my feelings are hurt.
God, I don't want to be difficult. You made me with the ability to feel. Thank you! But would you use this gift in the way that you designed? I'm handing over the reigns, and I'm asking you to guide me and shape my sensitivity to form around your will for my life.
April 26, 2011
Friday
If you get a chance, search for this poem on youtube. Our church shows it on Good Friday, and it always proves very powerful!
It’s Friday. But Sunday’s coming—
It’s Friday. Jesus is arrested in the garden where He was praying. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. The disciples are hiding and Peter’s denying that he knows the Lord. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. Jesus is standing before the high priest of Israel, silent as a lamb before the slaughter. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. Jesus is beaten, mocked, and spit upon. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. Those Roman soldiers are flogging our Lord with a leather scourge that has bits of bones and glass and metal, tearing at his flesh. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. The Son of man stands firm as they press the crown of thorns down into his brow. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. See Him walking to Calvary, the blood dripping from His body. See the cross crashing down on His back as He stumbles beneath the load. It’s Friday; but Sunday’s a coming.
It’s Friday. See those Roman soldiers driving the nails into the feet and hands of my Lord. Hear my Jesus cry, “Father, forgive them.” It’s Friday; but Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. Jesus is hanging on the cross, bloody and dying. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. The sky grows dark, the earth begins to tremble, and He who knew no sin became sin for us. Holy God who will not abide with sin pours out His wrath on that perfect sacrificial lamb who cries out, “My God, My God. Why hast thou forsaken me?” What a horrible cry. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. And at the moment of Jesus’ death, the veil of the Temple that separates sinful man from Holy God was torn from the top to the bottom because Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. Jesus is hanging on the cross, heaven is weeping and hell is partying. But that’s because it’s Friday, and they don’t know it, but Sunday’s a coming.
And on that horrible day 2000 years ago, Jesus the Christ, the Lord of glory, the only begotten Son of God, the only perfect man died on the cross of Calvary. Satan thought that he had won the victory. Surely he had destroyed the Son of God. Finally he had disproved the prophecy God had uttered in the Garden and the one who was to crush his head had been destroyed. But that was Friday.
Now it’s Sunday. And just about dawn on that first day of the week, there was a great earthquake. But that wasn’t the only thing that was shaking because now it’s Sunday. And the angel of the Lord is coming down out of heaven and rolling the stone away from the door of the tomb. Yes, it’s Sunday, and the angel of the Lord is sitting on that stone and the guards posted at the tomb to keep the body from disappearing were shaking in their boots because it’s Sunday, and the lamb that was silent before the slaughter is now the resurrected lion from the tribe of Judah, for He is not here, the angel says. He is risen indeed.
It’s Sunday, and the crucified and resurrected Christ has defeated death, hell, sin and the grave. It’s Sunday. And now everything has changed. It’s the age of grace, God’s grace poured out on all who would look to that crucified lamb of Calvary. Grace freely given to all who would believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross of Calvary was buried and rose again. All because it’s Sunday.
It’s Friday. But Sunday’s coming—
It’s Friday. Jesus is arrested in the garden where He was praying. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. The disciples are hiding and Peter’s denying that he knows the Lord. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. Jesus is standing before the high priest of Israel, silent as a lamb before the slaughter. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. Jesus is beaten, mocked, and spit upon. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. Those Roman soldiers are flogging our Lord with a leather scourge that has bits of bones and glass and metal, tearing at his flesh. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. The Son of man stands firm as they press the crown of thorns down into his brow. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. See Him walking to Calvary, the blood dripping from His body. See the cross crashing down on His back as He stumbles beneath the load. It’s Friday; but Sunday’s a coming.
It’s Friday. See those Roman soldiers driving the nails into the feet and hands of my Lord. Hear my Jesus cry, “Father, forgive them.” It’s Friday; but Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. Jesus is hanging on the cross, bloody and dying. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. The sky grows dark, the earth begins to tremble, and He who knew no sin became sin for us. Holy God who will not abide with sin pours out His wrath on that perfect sacrificial lamb who cries out, “My God, My God. Why hast thou forsaken me?” What a horrible cry. But Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. And at the moment of Jesus’ death, the veil of the Temple that separates sinful man from Holy God was torn from the top to the bottom because Sunday’s coming.
It’s Friday. Jesus is hanging on the cross, heaven is weeping and hell is partying. But that’s because it’s Friday, and they don’t know it, but Sunday’s a coming.
And on that horrible day 2000 years ago, Jesus the Christ, the Lord of glory, the only begotten Son of God, the only perfect man died on the cross of Calvary. Satan thought that he had won the victory. Surely he had destroyed the Son of God. Finally he had disproved the prophecy God had uttered in the Garden and the one who was to crush his head had been destroyed. But that was Friday.
Now it’s Sunday. And just about dawn on that first day of the week, there was a great earthquake. But that wasn’t the only thing that was shaking because now it’s Sunday. And the angel of the Lord is coming down out of heaven and rolling the stone away from the door of the tomb. Yes, it’s Sunday, and the angel of the Lord is sitting on that stone and the guards posted at the tomb to keep the body from disappearing were shaking in their boots because it’s Sunday, and the lamb that was silent before the slaughter is now the resurrected lion from the tribe of Judah, for He is not here, the angel says. He is risen indeed.
It’s Sunday, and the crucified and resurrected Christ has defeated death, hell, sin and the grave. It’s Sunday. And now everything has changed. It’s the age of grace, God’s grace poured out on all who would look to that crucified lamb of Calvary. Grace freely given to all who would believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross of Calvary was buried and rose again. All because it’s Sunday.
April 12, 2011
Different
After talking with that cute guy in my picture tonight, I came to re-realize (is that even a word?!) how wise God was when He made men and women differently. What would I do if my boyfriend personalized every comment I made (like women do)? What would we do in a conflict if we both stonewalled (like men do)? God was such a genius to make us different.
But why do women often think the way God made men is wrong? And why do men often think the way God made women is wrong? It's not wrong. Just different!
I've been listening to the Love & Respect cds a lot lately and have been astounded at the accurracy of the speaker's points. I come to see again and again how well men and women compliment each other and how each gender, male and female, reflect aspects of the God we love!
He is so good to us! He reveals Himself to us through each other! Oh how He loves us!
But why do women often think the way God made men is wrong? And why do men often think the way God made women is wrong? It's not wrong. Just different!
I've been listening to the Love & Respect cds a lot lately and have been astounded at the accurracy of the speaker's points. I come to see again and again how well men and women compliment each other and how each gender, male and female, reflect aspects of the God we love!
He is so good to us! He reveals Himself to us through each other! Oh how He loves us!
April 4, 2011
Waiting
I went to the doctor today to get some bloodwork done. Unfortunately, I had gained a lot of weight. I am constantly tired, even to the point of exhaustion and fatigued, no matter how much I sleep. In addition to gaining weight, I've lost my appetite. I usually eat one meal a day, not because I starve myself, but because food rarely sounds appetizing. My moods swing drastically up and down, and loved ones tell me that I act and behave differently. I am becoming "spacy", not remembering assignments or even what I did the day before.
I don't want to complain, but I feel like shouting at God "Tell me what's wrong with me RIGHT NOW!!!" Instead, I don't have a choice but to wait. Wait patiently on the Lord.
A family that is close to mine recently had to make some tough life-changing decisions. Each member wanted their own way, and the dilemma grew bigger and bigger. Eventually, they decided to draw lots, which I had only heard of in the Bible. Guess what they drew?
"Wait"
Two days later, God opened the door and made their choice so clear, no family member could deny it. By waiting, they were able to follow God's will for their family.
Waiting is so hard, but God promises that all will work out for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose. He doesn't say that all will immediately work out for the good, but He does promise good.
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord!
Our God!
You reign forever!
Our Hope, Our strong Deliverer!
You are the Everlasting God!
The everlasting God!
You will not faint, You won't grow weary.
You're the Defender of the Weak
You comfort those in need
You raise us up
On wings like eagles.
I don't want to complain, but I feel like shouting at God "Tell me what's wrong with me RIGHT NOW!!!" Instead, I don't have a choice but to wait. Wait patiently on the Lord.
A family that is close to mine recently had to make some tough life-changing decisions. Each member wanted their own way, and the dilemma grew bigger and bigger. Eventually, they decided to draw lots, which I had only heard of in the Bible. Guess what they drew?
"Wait"
Two days later, God opened the door and made their choice so clear, no family member could deny it. By waiting, they were able to follow God's will for their family.
Waiting is so hard, but God promises that all will work out for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose. He doesn't say that all will immediately work out for the good, but He does promise good.
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord!
Our God!
You reign forever!
Our Hope, Our strong Deliverer!
You are the Everlasting God!
The everlasting God!
You will not faint, You won't grow weary.
You're the Defender of the Weak
You comfort those in need
You raise us up
On wings like eagles.
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